BLRCH
by DayDreamerz
Summary: Basically, FMA characters get drunk...ya...


BLRCH

DDZ: My first FMA fic!  
GDM: What's it about?  
DDZ: Basically, everyone's drunk.  
GDM: Yeah, I got that from your summary.  
DDZ: Well, read it then!  
GDM: (sigh) disclaimer.  
DDZ: Right! Ed! You do it!  
Ed: No way!  
DDZ: If you don't do it, I'll make you do something really stupid.  
Ed: Have fun.  
DDZ: Fine! Mustang, if you don't do the disclaimer, I'll... I'll... I'll make you like Hawkeye!  
Mustang: You wouldn't.  
DDZ: (raises eyebrow) Wanna bet?  
Mustang: Fine. DDZdoesn't own anyone or anything from FMA. Hell, she doesn't even own half of the comic.  
DDZ: (sweatdrop) My sister helped a little.  
GDM: You had to get your sister's help!  
DDZ: No! She wanted to help.  
GDM: Riiight. We all believe you. DDZ: I'm serious, why doesn't anyone ever believe me!  
GDM: We like to give you a little crap. After all, "What are friends for"  
DDZ: Hey. My quote!  
GDM: (shrugs)  
DDZ: Now. read.  
GDM: What if I don't wanna "read?  
DDZ: I SAID READ, DAMMIT! NOW READ AND ENJOY!  
Readers: OO (nod)  
GDM: OO alright, alright.  
DDZ: 

Late one night at the military, someone slinks through the darkness. Dressed all in black so as not to be spotted, the person puts packs of beer disguised as soda on the desks of Mustang, Hughes, Hawkeye, and Havoc, and by the beds of Ed and Al. Then, as silently as the person appeared, the person disappears, back into the night.

Next morning; Mustang's office Mustang: (walks in office after breakfast. Sees "sodas") Hm? ... What's this? (picks up can and examines it) hmm... (opens can and takes a sip) Hey... not bad...(sits down at desk and slowly drinks "soda" as he pretends to do paperwork)

Meanwhile; Hughes's office Hughes: (walks into office. Sees "sodas") (sits down at desk) Wonder who gave this to me? (Takes out "soda" and opens it up) Hmm. I've never seen this type before... (takes sip) Mm! Good tasteing soda, though! (sips)

Then; Hawkeye's office Hawkeye: (walks in office) (notices "soda") Hm? (gets suspicious) Where's this form? (picks up can) . . . (shoots can with gun and watches "soda" spill out on ground) Dog: (sniffs "soda" and starts licking it up)  
Hawkeye: Apparently not poisoned... (opens another can and takes a sip) Mm... Not bad... (drinks while really working on paperwork)

Next; Havoc's office Havoc: (walks in with bundles of paperwork that he didn't do over the weekend) (spots "soda" and drops paperwork all over floor) Cool! Soda!  
Paperwork: (flies out door, out window, into vents)  
Havoc: (gobbles full can of "soda" down) Mm! That's really good! (opens another can and sips slowly, hoping not to finish it too fast)

At same time as past four; Ed and Al's room Ed: (wakes up) (rubs eyes) Al? You awake? (gets out of bed and steps on "soda") OW! Shit! What is that! (grabs foot)  
Al: What do you mean, brother? There's nothing there that you didn't leave there last night.  
Ed: Doesn't hear a word Al said because he's too busy examining "soda") (spots "soda" by Al's bed) Hey, Al! You got some too! Looks like soda of some kind.  
Al: (gets off bed to examine "soda") Hm... (picks up can) Lable: (says BLRCH)  
Al: I've never heard of this... I can't even read it!  
Ed: (shrugs) All good sodas have weird brand names. (starts drinking "soda)  
Winrey: Oh! Good! You're awake! Ed: Winrey? How'd you get here?  
Winrey: Well, true I didn't remember where your room was, exactly, so I found Havoc in his office, praising Hawkeye's dog for ripping up his paperwork, and asked where your room was. Simple.  
Ed: Ok, why are you at the military?  
Winrey: I had something to tell you... by the way, what are you drinking?  
Ed: (shrugs) Some new kind of soda. It was by my bed. I think someone's trying to advertise it. But it sure is good!  
Winrey: Let me try. You don't mind, do you Al?  
Al: No. I can't drink it anyway. Take all you want.  
Winrey: I just want one, thanks. (takes a can and trys a sip) Mmm! That is good! Maybe I'll take up your offer Al! (takes all Al's "soda)  
Ed: Told ya.  
Hawkeye: (Walks in) You boys up?  
Ed: What's it look like?  
Winrey: This soda's really good! You want some, Hawkeye?  
Hawkeye: (spots winrey) Oh. Winrey. Didn't see you there.  
Winrey: (sweatdrop) I'm standing right in front of the doorway.  
Hawkeye: Guess I'm still kinda sleepy.  
Ed: Hawkeye's actually smiling! (shiver, shiver) (thinks of last time she smiled)

:FLASHBACK:

Hawkeye: (is holding gun (as usual)) (is in bad mood)  
Mustang: (is yelling at Ed)  
Hawkeye: Wonder if I should warn them... (smiles evilly) Yeah, right (shoots gun and skimms Ed's cheek)  
Ed: OO uh... (Ed's cheek is cut) (reaches up and wipes away blood) (looks at blood and groans) (looks at Hawkeye)  
Hawkeye: (is still pointing gun at Ed)

:END FLASHBACK:

Winrey: Right.  
Havoc: (sort of dances in holding Hawkeye's dog) Hawkeye: What are you so happy about?  
Havoc: Your dog just ripped up my paperwork!  
Hawkeye: Then I'll leave it up to you to find a way to finish it.  
Havoc: What! It's ripped up and flushed down the toilet! How do you expect me to-  
Hawkeye: (smirks bigger) You're smart, Havoc. You figure it out.  
Havoc: (takes another sip of "soda)  
Ed: Looks like everyone got some! (is on 3rd can)  
Havoc: But I flushed it down the toilet!  
Hawkeye: (takes out gun and points it at Havoc) If you don't shut up, I'll flush you down the toilet!  
Havoc: (sob)  
Mustang: (walks in) That's not very nice, Leutenate. (takes another big drink of "soda)  
Hawkeye: I don't care. He made my dog eat his paperwork!  
Mustang: Wahoo! Nice one, Havoc! I haven't heard that "dog ate my homework excuse since I was in school! Hawkeye: (shoots gun, barely missing Mustang's head) Mustang: OO Ed: OO Winrey: OO Hawkeye?  
Hawkeye: Ooops... missed... (takes sip)  
Ed: OO DON'T SHOOT ME! (hides under bed)  
Hawkeye: (shoots bed)  
Ed: AHH! (finishes 4th can of "soda)  
Al: OO What's going on  
Hughes: (walks in) Good soda, huh? Why'd you start the party without me!  
Hawkeye: (shoots at Hughes) (hits doorway)  
Hughes: OO Dangerous party... (drinks "soda)  
Ed: (ppeks out from under bed) (sees Hawkeye's not looking and sneaks another "soda") (sip, sip) Havoc: Hey, anyone got any more? (shakes empty can upside down)  
Ed: OO (grabs "sodas") Hisssss! MINE! (crawls under bed with "sodas)  
Al: OO Brother?  
Ed: No, Al! You can't have them either! ... Oh, ok... (slides out less-than-half full "soda" can)  
Al: (sweatdrop) Brother... I can't drink it.  
Havoc: I'LL TAKE IT! (dives for "soda" can)  
Ed: OO NOOOO! MIIIIINE! (trys to grab "soda" first)  
Bullet: (hits "soda" can)  
"soda": (spills out)  
Ed: nooooo.  
Havoc: nooooo.  
Ed: Whyyyyy? Hawkeyyyyye? Why-hy-hy-hy?  
Hawkeye: (shrugs) The dog was thirsty.  
Dog: (begins lapping up spilt "soda)  
Ed: Almost had it.  
Havoc: Almost had it.  
Mustang: Hey! check out this trick! (splashes "soda" up in air and puts flame under it)  
"soda": (catches fire, but goes out before it hits the ground)  
Everyone except Mustang and Al: (claps and cheers)  
Mustang: (strikes pose)  
Al: Wait... that's not soda... (realizes truth) (leaves room completeyl unnoticed) (sees a little girl with yellow pigtails running into M.S. Fuery's office with container of "soda)  
Al: (follows) That's Hughes's daughter  
Hughes's Daughter: (puts "soda" on Fuery's desk and runs into Al when leaving) (looks up) Uh-oh.  
Al: Were you the one who did this?  
Hughes's Daughter: (looks up innocently) Did what?  
Al: (spread the beer around.  
Hughes's Daughter: (blink, blink) . . . Yes! I DID IT! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! And YOU CAN'T STOP ME! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  
Hughes: (steps into hall) Honey? You did this?  
Hughes's Daughter: Yes, daddy, I did!  
Hughes: Well, then I'm just gonna have to ground you!  
Hughes's Daughter: (looks up with with teary eyes) but, daddy. . . I love you. . .  
Hughes: Awww! Ok, go outside and play. Just don't do that again, ok?  
Hughes's Daughter: You gonna tell mommy?  
Hughes: No. Now go play. Be good.  
Hughes's Daughter: Yes, daddy. (skips off) La-lala-lala-lala.  
Hughes: She's so adorable.  
Al: (sweatdrop) Hughes? I think your daughter is watching too much TV.  
Hughes: Nonsense! She's just playing.  
Al: Right... Well, can you help me get rid of the rest of the beers?  
Hughes: Right. (helps get rid of beers)  
Mustang and Havoc: (swear they'll hate Hughes and Al forever)  
Ed: (swears he'll hate Hughes forever, but can't bring himself to hate Al)  
Hawkeye: (continually shoots at Al and Hughes)

THE END 

DDZ: Now, what is the morale of the story?  
Readers: (look around confused) DDZ: That's a good question... (looks around thoughtfully) Ok, I got it! The morale is: Never be around when Hawkeye gets drunk! GDM: I don't really think that's a morale.  
DDZ: Well, it is now!  
GDM: (rolls eyes) Whatever.  
DDZ: Please review and tell me what you think! Ed: (to GDM) Here, try this. It's good. (hands GDM a can that says "BLRCH)  
GDM: Thanks, Ed! (Drinks)  
DDZ: OO Nooo! It starts all over again! (runs out of room)  
GDM: Idiot... (takes label off can of coke) (drinks coke) Ed: (passes out coke to readers) That was ridiculous.  
GDM: You're tellin' me... 


End file.
